I'm a worrier, I worry about everything, it's who I am.
So six years ago I got married. We knew we wanted little ones right away and 3 months later I was pregnant! We also decided to move from Wyoming in hopes of more. Isn't that what it is always about, more?
Ryan got a job with Union Pacific Railroad. Everyone told us how lucky we were, and what a great job it would be, and how the money would be so nice. Yes, there would be long hours, but we could sacrifice a little to get our feet on the ground and get us off to a solid start. This wonderful job would also allow me to stay home and be a Mom! It was a dream come true! ha! Oh how little we knew!
I also think the ideas we had were not of a typical younger, newly married, expecting a child, just starting out kind of dreams. We were older, life had happened to us, we had found our way and somehow we expected more for our new adventure.
Well, life has a way of humbling you. My hubby has been furloughed more times than I can count, he busted his knee at work twice and now his shoulder. We have gone through 3 surgeries, months of physical therapy, and time off work, PLUS we added two more babies to our family. And the list of should haves, could haves is long.
But we have been blessed also. The new town, one car, no friends made it easy with just one car because really we had no where to go anyways! Dad was able to be home and see so many of those precious baby milestones such as the first step or word. There was no place, and no one, to run away to when things got bumpy, so what didn't kill us made us stronger as a couple.
I sometimes think of our first five years here in Oregon like we were in a cocoon. Our little family all wrapped up tight and together.
Recently though it feels as if the shell is breaking, and not in a bad way. Our wings are opening up and stretching. I feel as if there is some light at the end of the tunnel. We have met some friends here. Friends who will NEVER replace the friends back home, but friends all the same.
I still get to be a stay at home Mama, but now I sell Scentsy. And while I'm not breaking any records in the sales department it does give this Mama a brief time out to talk about something other than babies which is nice, and it pays a bill or two, so I feel like I do my little part to help out our family. It also gave me something to focus on. It's replaced some of the worry and given me a partial solution.
It's also nice to have some new dreams. It seems we were focused on survival for so long, which is a little extreme, but true. Now I feel like I can look up, and look out. I can grow my business, my team, myself, and continue to grow my family (and I don't mean literally!!! at least not yet!) lol!
SO while the struggles aren't over because life isn't over. I am letting go a little more, enjoying a little more, I just have a feeling like it might be our time to fly. And that feels good!